When Heroes Drove Cool Cars
I have some questions about action/drama television today. When did it become impossible to tell one show from another? How many shows about crime fighters with extra sensory powers and complicated love lives are there right now? What’s with Mrs. Bacon’s accent? How did JAG last longer than the third Pirates? Does anyone know anyone who watches the Shield? Which Deschanel sister is better looking? Can anyone tell Robin Wright Penn and Patricia Arquette apart?
I miss the 80’s. Nobody ever took the A-Team seriously, but it was seriously entertaining. There were more shoot outs, car chases, and fist fights in every episode than a season of 24. Ditto Knight Rider, the Fall Guy, the Dukes of Hazzard. The list goes on and on. Nobody writing for those ever won an award for anything, and they didn’t want one. Today? Action television is no fun. Sure, the first two or three seasons of 24 were blow-off-my-own wedding addictive and Lost has had a boat load of Whoa moments, but both shows went off the rails in their second or third years. That’s pretty fast. The reason is pretty plain. The shows are based on brilliant premises, but the premises are constrictive. It isn’t long before we’re wondering how many bad days one guy can have, or how many mishaps can happen on one tropical island? (Unless that’s the whole point, which is what made Gilligan Island endearing and Lost, lost.)
What about characters? Jack Bauer is a very good federal law enforcement officer and this line: “The only reason you’re still conscious is I don’t feel like carrying you” was gold, Jerry, gold. The subtly named John Locke is a piece of work too. But come on! What’s interesting about them compared to Mr. T? Officer Poncherella? KITT? The problem is there’s too much at stake. I care more about the hardworking family on the A-Team being bullied by the local moonshine runners than I do about whether a nuke goes off in downtown LA. At some point, it just becomes too hard to relate. The earlier shows kept their feet on the ground. The resolutions were predictable and convenient, but I bought in to it, because the show and I were both in on the joke. Now, nobody’s laughing.
It seems like two things happened at about the same time. A couple of good action/drama shows asked us to take them seriously. Law & Order and Homicide come to mind. (Wise Guy does not.) Simultaneously, the shows that didn’t ask to be taken seriously - Walker Texas Ranger - weren’t very good.
Ironically, I think sitcoms went in the opposite direction - from more to serious to more irreverent. EVERY 80’s sitcom had a homeless person at Christmas episode, an alcoholic uncle episode, a main character taking drug pills episode, and a very special will she or won’t she episode. Did you ever see a very special episode of Seinfeld? Or Two and a Half Men?
Of course, the true stars of the shows were not men, but vehicles. The motorcycles on CHiPs. B.A’s van. KITT. The Fall Guy’s Pick up. The General Lee. Magnum’s Ferrari. Can you name the vehicle of one character on television today? The only current iconic mode of transportation is House’s cane. When I watched Knight Rider, I didn’t want to be Michael Knight, I just wanted his car. When I watch Heroes… oh, who am I kidding, I’d stay up all night for a Third Watch marathon before I watched Heroes. The only memorable 80’s show not defined by a vehicle was MacGyver, but that’s it.
The challenge is, if a show is going to demand to be taken seriously, it has to earn it. And right now, there is only one show that accomplishes that. The Wire. I only started watching recently, and it changed the way I evaluate every other show I have ever seen. In comparison, 24 looks like amateur hour. Actually, the last two seasons of 24 were so awful Spy Kids 2 makes it looks like amateur hour. So why don’t I just change the channel? Because when something was good once, its hard to stop hoping it will be good again. (See: SNL). But I mean it about the Wire. It’s on a different level than everything else. The writing, the characters, the plotting. (Sopranos fans, I don’t know what to say to you because I haven’t been converted. We’ll have to agree to disagree.)