I get a Slurpee
Today I went to the corner for a Slurpee. This marks the beginning of my summer and the temporary end of my craving for a frozen, cola-flavored beverage. Most people begin drinking Slurpees very young, but I did not grow up within walking or even biking distance of a 7-11, so I had to wait until college. As a kid, I did have a bus pass and pretty good handle on the location of each the 7-11 within a one transfer trip, but my summer days, when it was hot and there were so many hours to kill, were filled with adventures to destinations like a church parking lot, a rotting garage in the alley, and a place called freeway park. High school came and we had cars, but these years were wasted on a gatorade kick. What can I say? The drink was green and so was I. Then, when I was nineteen, I moved into a house that was so close to a 7-11 we could make it there and back with Slurpees and a container of nachos during a commercial break with time to spare. Since then, I have learned a few things about Slurpees:
1) When choosing a size, remember that Slurpees are bound by diminishing returns. A melted Slurpee is just a warm, flat, syrupy coke. In hot weather, get a small Slurpee, then go back for another small Slurpee. If the weather is mild, go big.
2) The domed lid goes on before the pour.
3) Flavors named after a color or a summer blockbuster are not good; cola with a pull of cherry is.
4) The 7-11’s in Bangkok, Thailand are perfectly distributed so that a tourist who buys a 28oz Slurpee at one location will be ready for the next one just as the next location appears.
5) If you’re really thirsty, but kind of broke, put your Slurpee in a 64oz Big Gulp cup.
So to recap:
April 11: Jack William Heldring is born
June 2: Slurpee is purchased, summer begins
August 14: Toby Wheeler: Eighth Grade Benchwarmer goes on sale at a bookstore near you